I am major loner

I am sitting here playing The Office DVD board game all by myself---now this could go two ways I could be like "Yeah I'm such a die hard Office fan that I play the board game! Even when there is nobody else to play the game with me! Take that!" or I could be like "I have no friends and I spend Saturdays watching re-runs of shows,cleaning, and playing board games by myself"

I'm thinking number two sounds right.

Also I have so much free time I have come up with a theory on why Cinderella and her fellow Disney Princess are screwing up America. Here is my theory:

THEY DON’T MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS IN A SIZE 12


Young girls everywhere are being lied to. Turn on any Disney Princess movie and the lies that are being fed to the young women of the world are astounding. Let us take a look at the lovely Cinderella. Let me break down the lies for you.

LIE 1 & 2: Cinderella is woken up by her little creature friends and immediately begins to sing about “no matter how your heart is grieving, if you just keep on believing the dreams in your heart will come true!” What a load of crap! My heart has grieved for smaller feet and I used to believe they would shrink and yet there has been no foot shrinkage! Also no normal person can talk to birds and or mice, and if they do believe they can talk to animals we like to put them in a special little place with padded walls and medicine in little plastic cups; or we blame hallucinogens. I think number two is more likely. It’s only a matter of time before little Sally says, “Mom, why has Cinderella fallen off the wagon again?”

LIE 3: Blondes with blue eyes and ruby red lips and porcelain skin are all the rage. This is only true if you are A) a working woman (and by this I mean a porn star) B) a working woman (and by this I mean working in Hollywood but there isn’t much of a difference between A and B these days)

LIE 4: “Leave the sowing to the women, you go get the trimmin’!” What a sexist statement! The best fashion designers our there are men! Give the male mice a chance!

LIE 5: Now this is the biggest lie of them all---and I blame this lie for the high divorce rate. In Cinderella she is all poor and lonely---I mean the girl talks to animals for heavens sake she must be lonely and/or super insane. Well a “magic fairy godmother” comes and turns everything around for her then she goes to the ball and the prince of the whole freakin kingdom falls in love with her while they are dancing! Now if men magically fall in love with a woman while they are dancing I need to find a way to go waltzing with Christian Bale! So they fall in love and the prince whisks her off to the castle and now she is all rich and has no worries. Notice where the major change comes…..she MARRIES HIM AND EVERYTHING IS BETTER! What crap! Marriage is hard---not that I have any real idea but I’ve lived with enough couples to realize it aint no walk in the freakin daisy field. Now people get married and they think everything will be awesome and then babies happen and mortgage and high gas prices and all of a sudden there is no milk and little Johnny just cut off his brothers hair and all of a sudden little Susan has an explosive diaper. Marriage is no cake walk and it doesnt make everything better----but thats not what Cinderella wants you to think! I blame you Cinderella for the disillusionment of women everywhere.

3 reasons why I love being a nanny

Reason 1: Kids are adorable and hilarious! Especially Nina and Henry, they both fell right asleep and I was able to shower without having to listen to make sure they didnt get into trouble. They are both so loving and Henry says "ove you chelle" and it melts my heart, and Nina understands when you are sad and she gives the best little hugs.

Reason 2: Sean and Lisa are really nice to me and I am able to joke around with them and I feel comfortable here.

Reason 3: I get to go to Mexico with them!

Kids say the darndest things

Today I had my first ever visit from my visiting teacher. It was your normal Christmas lesson. Well this whole week I have been working on teaching Nina and Henry their alphabet. They know a few random letters. So we are sitting at the kitchen table talking and Henry comes in with two little foam letters that just happen to be a "B" and an "S" He holds up the letters in his cute chubby little hands, and just as the visiting teacher gets done saying, "Christmas is about God and not the physical gifts and we have to remember that!" Henry holds up the letters higher and shouts, "BS! BS! BS! BS!" He is so proud that he knows these two letters that he keeps saying "BS!" and then he starts running around in circles. We both cracked up and couldn't stop laughing for a good 3 minutes.

Ward Christmas parties and why they are hilarious

So I went to my very first ward Christmas party at my new ward. It was a bit weird to go and not know anyones name (they all know mine, and when the say my name they say it all high pitched and they draw it out so it sounds like michhhhelllleee, I think they do it that way because they feel bad for me that I'm a loner) So it was supposed to start at 5, I get there at 5 and almost nobody is there. This one lady who has been really nice to me, and who feels about three feet shorter than me, comes up and hugs me and tells me she is glad I came. Now this is where the hilarious part comes in, the theme of the party was like a market street in Bethlehem, so there where tents everywhere and peoples blankets on the floor (yep you got it, no tables) and because everyone lives in the mountains in that ward there were a bunch of dead animal skins hanging. The gym is small and so everyone is gathered kinda in the middle, and then there is me off in a corner sitting on a chair I found. Everyone is wearing their bathrobes and things on their heads and belts and just lookin all Bethlehemy like. Then there is me, jeans and low tops, a sweater and a ponytail. Every time someone sees me they ask me if I would like to borrow something so I can look Bethlehemy with them, I kindly turn down wearing some guys bathrobe. Then I am asked to help set out the food, there is no order and I can put it wherever I want, so I do. A table here, a table there, hey! Why not put four things on that little table and then a little bowl of olives on the middle of a huge table? So I'm thinking I'm being very hilarious and I keep laughing to myself, which gives others the wrong impression that I am having fun. We eat, the food is cold and I dont have a knife so I have to eat my chicken like a caveman, so I gave up. I maybe had one or two bites. Then comes the play! Yeah, I left. Thank the heavens for dollar menus at Wendy's! But, I'm glad I went because I got to talk to some people and I felt all Mormony which gave me a warm feeling, like freshly baked cookies. Ha!

I miss Utah!!

So my trip to Utah was amazing! I saw everyone that really mattered to me, I tried to see a few other people but nobody answered the phone! Don't they know that I was in town and they should be waiting by their phones for a call! Anyway to those I didn't get to see I hope I can catch up with you next time I come and visit. I loved the plane ride and I cant wait to take a longer flight to Mexico!!!!! So not so happy news I totally got stuck in the driveway yesterday when I was on my way to go pick up Nina, I was stuck for about an hour and my neighbor who just happens to be the kids old nanny cam and helped me get my car out from the snow. It was so bad that Lisa told me not to park in the driveway so my car is about a two minute walk down the road. It kinda shook me up and I was really frustrated that my stinkin little car wouldn't go! I miss everyone in Utah so much and it was really hard for me the whole plane ride home but luckily the kids are keeping me busy here and I have school and the house and everything to do so I am keeping busy and I only cried my eyes out the first night! That is a major accomplishment for me! Oh and for great news I just got a letter that says I will be receiving $7,181 dollars for school this year (my whole school year only costs about $8,000 dollars total!) so if I'm reading this letter correctly I have to pay less than a thousand dollars for my whole school year!!!!!! That is simply amazing!!!!! I'm calling the finance department for my school tomorrow morning to make sure, but I hope I'm right!