I am major loner

I am sitting here playing The Office DVD board game all by myself---now this could go two ways I could be like "Yeah I'm such a die hard Office fan that I play the board game! Even when there is nobody else to play the game with me! Take that!" or I could be like "I have no friends and I spend Saturdays watching re-runs of shows,cleaning, and playing board games by myself"

I'm thinking number two sounds right.

Also I have so much free time I have come up with a theory on why Cinderella and her fellow Disney Princess are screwing up America. Here is my theory:

THEY DON’T MAKE GLASS SLIPPERS IN A SIZE 12


Young girls everywhere are being lied to. Turn on any Disney Princess movie and the lies that are being fed to the young women of the world are astounding. Let us take a look at the lovely Cinderella. Let me break down the lies for you.

LIE 1 & 2: Cinderella is woken up by her little creature friends and immediately begins to sing about “no matter how your heart is grieving, if you just keep on believing the dreams in your heart will come true!” What a load of crap! My heart has grieved for smaller feet and I used to believe they would shrink and yet there has been no foot shrinkage! Also no normal person can talk to birds and or mice, and if they do believe they can talk to animals we like to put them in a special little place with padded walls and medicine in little plastic cups; or we blame hallucinogens. I think number two is more likely. It’s only a matter of time before little Sally says, “Mom, why has Cinderella fallen off the wagon again?”

LIE 3: Blondes with blue eyes and ruby red lips and porcelain skin are all the rage. This is only true if you are A) a working woman (and by this I mean a porn star) B) a working woman (and by this I mean working in Hollywood but there isn’t much of a difference between A and B these days)

LIE 4: “Leave the sowing to the women, you go get the trimmin’!” What a sexist statement! The best fashion designers our there are men! Give the male mice a chance!

LIE 5: Now this is the biggest lie of them all---and I blame this lie for the high divorce rate. In Cinderella she is all poor and lonely---I mean the girl talks to animals for heavens sake she must be lonely and/or super insane. Well a “magic fairy godmother” comes and turns everything around for her then she goes to the ball and the prince of the whole freakin kingdom falls in love with her while they are dancing! Now if men magically fall in love with a woman while they are dancing I need to find a way to go waltzing with Christian Bale! So they fall in love and the prince whisks her off to the castle and now she is all rich and has no worries. Notice where the major change comes…..she MARRIES HIM AND EVERYTHING IS BETTER! What crap! Marriage is hard---not that I have any real idea but I’ve lived with enough couples to realize it aint no walk in the freakin daisy field. Now people get married and they think everything will be awesome and then babies happen and mortgage and high gas prices and all of a sudden there is no milk and little Johnny just cut off his brothers hair and all of a sudden little Susan has an explosive diaper. Marriage is no cake walk and it doesnt make everything better----but thats not what Cinderella wants you to think! I blame you Cinderella for the disillusionment of women everywhere.